School feels immaterial. The only solid material presence is the grade, somewhere on a computer, then the certificate eventually... I suppose most important things are immaterial...though some immaterial things would not exist if not for material things. They are codependent.

It has come to my attention recently that all of our particles originated from the insides of stars. I love proverbial facts. Astronomy is full of them.

I have ambitious summer goals. I have accomplished so much in the past few months of school- psychology, astronomy, anthropology, biology.  The best way to award myself is to do things with my hands. Make things that only I know how to make. My psychology teacher explained that some people have high need achievement, and I learned that I am one of those people.

I want to make music. I have so many abstract ideas that have never actualized...but they aren't fleeting ideas.  They seem to lay dormant infinitely and emerge when prompted. Sometimes I write things down, like "melody change at start of drums" or "slow down at chorus".  I want to sing. We'll see.

I want to finish and then start some drawings. I have lots of ideas for drawings.  Drawing is very important to me, and I have been neglecting it lately. Almost as much as I have been neglecting writing.  I am thinking about choosing creative writing as my major in college. I would like to spend excess amounts of time hearing what other people think about creative writing, and for them to tell me how I should write creatively. I don't plan on following their advice necessarily, but I think that every person has a wealth of good ideas.  I think I will probably end up as a music major, though.

I also want to bake a loaf of bread from scratch, and learn how to pickle and can things.  I like the idea of many jars filled with different things that won't spoil until I open them.  Especially things that I put together myself with no pictures or words on the jar. 

I think I am going to Europe to see my boyfriend perform at MIDI festival in the south of France this summer. We might also go to Belgium, London, Paris, and Barcelona. I eagerly anticipate. I wish I was playing, though. That would be fun.

I feel sad that people wish that I wrote more. I love to write. I have been a bit shy the past year or so, for unknown reasons. Writing is very personal. I need to learn how to write more ambiguously. I promise to try.